the lie of self love

i'm starting to think that "love your neighbor as yourself" is putting up a challenge to "i can do all things through Him who strengthens me" for the title of most misused verse in the Bible! 

i have heard this passage abused several times recently, and it leaves me unsettled every time. 

in Mark 12:28-31, Jesus is asked what commandment is the greatest. he famously replies by giving two.  the first is to love your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.  the second, he says, is to love your neighbor as yourself (v 31).

some false conclusions from "love your neighbor as yourself":

• you need to love yourself before you can love others
• in order to care for others, you must first take care of yourself
• you need to fill your cup before you attempt to pour yourself out
• you need to focus on self care

wrong as these conclusions are, they would at least be "conceivable" if being used as encouragement to spend more time in God's Word, pray more regularly, or even incorporate exercise into your routine as a means to better love others.  (still a poor interpretation of the text, as it's simply not what Jesus was saying.)

but the examples i've been hearing lately have been much worse - directly encouraging people towards self-love and self-indulgence as a necessary "filling of your cup" in order to care for others.

the mantra of learning to love yourself comes from psychology.  but because of progressive, prosperity and culture-embracing movements and voices, the idea has flooded into the church.  

the question is, does the Bible teach that we need to love ourselves more?  is that really what "love your neighbor as yourself" is suggesting?

i would argue that you cannot truly abide in God's Word, take into consideration the whole counsel of God, and conclude that Jesus' intention in Mark 12:31 has anything to do with self love or self care.  rather, the assumption is that we already love ourselves enough (too much!) - making the command purely about radically loving others.

consider the biblical theme:

• "if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me" (Luke 9:23).  this means to follow Christ, one must deny self.  not love self.

• "for whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it (Matt 16:25).  here Jesus emphasizes the direct opposite of self focus.

• "in the last days there will come times of difficulty. for people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud..." (2 Timothy 3:1-2).  here Paul warns of the sin of self love.

• "Jesus said to him, “foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head” (Matthew 8:20).  here Jesus explains how great the cost of following him.  there is no self care in view. 

• "i have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me (Galatians 2:20). this describes fully letting go of a me-first perspective. 

• "let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor" (1 Corinthians 10:24). here Paul directly refutes the mantra of learning to love ourselves first.

this is a very small sampling of a major theme in the scriptures. it's all over the place.  indeed it is the world, not the Bible, that stresses the importance of focussing on ourselves. the Bible teaches the opposite.  

we already love ourselves too much.  it's our default by nature.  as we abide in Christ, the Holy Spirit helps us to fight the flesh and take up our cross daily and deny ourselves.  (there is tremendous freedom and joy in this by the way!)

in case anyone is completely missing my point, my argument here is not that we shouldn't take care of ourselves physically, or that it's sinful to take a vacation or have fun.  its just not what Jesus is telling us to do in order to "refill our cup" or "love ourselves first, so we can love others." 

what supplies us that we may radically love others is our abiding in Christ daily, getting away to pray, singing praises to God, and gathering with believers.  ironically, it is getting our eyes off of ourselves, and instead to looking to Christ, that fills us up!

it is a very dangerous twisting of scripture to use Christ's command about loving others as a justification to first focus on loving yourself.