~By Brock
This is a recent journal entry of mine. I decided
to post it because I wanted to share with anyone who is interested some
awesome stuff that God has been doing. This is not unique to just our
family, but is going on within the deepStream community as a whole. Each
family's story is different - but here is a glimpse into ours.
Journal Entry - November 7, 2007
Not
long ago Kerrie and I were on our knees committing to Jesus through
tears that we are willing to follow him anywhere. We cried out to God,
asking him to begin breaking our hearts for whatever breaks his heart. To help us step outside of ourselves and allow us to desire what he
desires. This was a very stupid thing we did! No… it has actually been
the most exhilarating thing we have done in a very long time!
We
are finding that journeying with Jesus can be terrifying and
exhilarating at the same time. For me, the closer I get to God, the more
I realize that he is nothing like I imagined. The more I fall in love
with this person Jesus, the more I become amazed at who He is and who he
asks me to be. Ever since he saved me and my family several years ago
(an undeserved outpouring of his grace) he continues to reveal more of
himself. Sometimes I look back and see his fingerprints in my life and
it all seems to make sense. But there are just as many times when I hear
his voice and what he’s saying is absolute craziness. I am comforted by
the fact that so many people in scripture experienced the same thing!
“This is difficult teaching” is what they would say… It is this
unpredictability of Jesus that makes it so exciting to follow Him.
Immediately
following our reckless prayers and commitment, God started breaking our
hearts for the poor. He has been showing us how critical it is to care
for the poor if we are to call ourselves followers of Jesus. It is an
issue that Jesus talked about often, and it is the lifestyle he lived. I
find it amazing that after so many years of “growing up in church” the
concept seems brand new to me. A friend of mine who lives in another
country, devoting his life to helping the poorest of the poor,
challenged me to go through the new testament reading only the “red letters”
(Jesus’ words). The very words of Jesus regarding the physically poor,
the rich, materialism, false security, the needy, the hungry, sacrifice,
etc…have been ringing in my ears so loud I cannot hear much of anything
else. It has been a burden placed in my heart that I cannot get away
from. An awakening in my soul that, until recently, left me frozen.
Jesus refers to the poor as himself.
He says when we care for them…we care for him. In fact, Matthew 25
speaks very clearly about how important it is for the hearts of
Christians to be broken for the poor. Even if you have read this a
hundred times, read it again - and let it sink in.
31"When
the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will
sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered
before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a
shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on
his right and the goats on his left.
34"Then the King
will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father;
take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation
of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was
thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you
invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you
looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then
the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and
feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see
you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?
39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
41"Then
he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed,
into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was
hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me
nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I
needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and
you did not look after me.'
44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when
did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or
sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
46"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."
In
our home, we’ve been studying and praying on this passage for a while
now. All 3 kids have been genuinely impacted (and stunned) by Jesus’
words. Jake thinks of Willie (a homeless man we became friends with) and
Sumon (a child we sponsor in Bangladesh). But even at 6 years old, it
is obvious that he understands the deeper meaning of the passage. He
wishes more people like Willie were near our house so they could stay
with us. Madi’s heart is so pure and good, she cries every time we
discuss it. She can’t believe so many people don’t have a place to live
and don’t have food. And Brooke is frustrated…that we haven’t relocated
to a poorer community already. She is convinced that it’s not fair to
live where we live, and have all that we have, if Jesus meant what he
said in Matthew 25. A couple days ago in the car, she broke the peaceful
car-ride silence with “dad, if we don’t go somewhere where we can be
closer to poor people, we are all going to be goats.”
I believe
the spirit of Jesus who occupies her heart and mind gave her that
thought. This must be what Jesus meant when he said “anyone who does not
receive the kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” Children
don’t see the difficulties associated with moving, or the logical
reasons not to “downgrade” or “do anything crazy.” Unlike us adults,
their first thoughts aren’t full of concern for what others will think.
Perhaps with more years of religious education, Brooke’s reaction would
be to justify how we can more conveniently address this issue
of ministering to the poor. Maybe she would have a more rational
interpretation of Matthew 25 - one that is a little easier to swallow.
When our hearts and minds get insulated from Jesus over time by a world
of false security, I think we become less willing to take Jesus’ words
literally.
I believe God is leading our family to into some new
territory. I cannot articulate all the reasons. But at some point you
just know. He has spoken to us countless times, countless ways. It is
no coincidence that this all started after Kerrie and I prayed boldly
asking God to disturb us. It was strange how it all happened. But we
knew we were missing something big. We felt like he desired our faith
to be stretched. He was revealing to us in a loud but mysterious way
that we needed to get uncomfortable. Following Jesus can at times be
very uncomfortable.
In Revelation 3, Jesus sends a letter to the
church of Laodicea. This church is marked by its wealth and comfort,
much like that of the modern day American church. In fact, as I read the
letter, I am convinced that much of the American christian church is
the modern day church of Laodicea. In the letter, Jesus says “you say
‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and I do not need a thing.’ But you
do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, blind, and naked.” Jesus
also says to this wealthy church: “I know your deeds, that you are
neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So,
because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out
of my mouth.”
Today, we can read this and argue over what it
means. I am choosing to take it literally. Jesus is saying that lukewarm
christians may not be christians after all. If our hearts and lives
never follow what we say we believe, the letter to this church is a
warning that we will be very disappointed to find that the kingdom of
heaven does not welcome us, and we will be spit from the mouth of God.
To me, this scripture is one of the most frightening things Jesus ever
said, particularly how it correlates to what I see around me in the
American christian community, and in my own life. It helps me appreciate
what Paul meant when he said we are to “work out our salvation with
fear and trembling.”
In a similar train of thought, God has been
opening my eyes to the biblical concept of suffering. I have never been
more challenged to sacrifice for Christ. I am guilty of reading the many
pages of scripture regarding my responsibility as a believer to glorify
God through sacrifice and suffering…without really considering what
that means for me. In some way I am frustrated that I never heard this
in church - despite the fact that Jesus, Paul, the disciples, etc spoke
of it often, and clearly lived it out in their own lives. But it is not
anyone’s fault other than my own. I choose not to meditate on the
scripture that is harder to accept. I lean towards the feel good stuff,
and press back against the scary stuff. Sacrifice, suffering,
selflessness, giving of everything… this is the more difficult teaching.
Paul
said at one time that if Christ didn't rise from the dead (or in other
words, if none of this stuff is true) we christians should be pitied
more than all men. I recently realized that the reason he said that is
because of the difficult calling christians have to endure suffering.
To take up our crosses. To do the tough stuff, take on the challenges,
even when it seems nuts. Paul is saying that, from a worldly viewpoint,
his life has been extremely rough. But since he lived without
forgetting that his life was only a vapor - a blink of an eye - he knew
the sacrifice was "nothing at all" from the view of eternity. And with
that in mind, he was full of pure joy.
As I fall more in love
with Jesus and my heart longs to know him more, it seems like he is
steadily removing clumps of mud from my eyes. (Although I seem to have
an unlimited supply of new mud clumps that appear.) But this time, the
cleansing of the mud is helping me to see that in my own life,
abundance…means obstacle. Luxury…equals hindrance. Wealth…leads to
lukewarm. And my reluctance to notice the hungry…is ultimately a
reluctance to notice Jesus.
Apparently “taking up my cross and
following Jesus” didn’t mean proclaiming my faith by wearing a cross
shaped necklace charm and slapping a fish decal on my bumper. Much more
than that, I am called to represent an extension of the cross by
sacrificing my own life for Christ. How can it make sense that suffering would glorify God? I guess in the same way a bloody cross did.
~If they persecuted me, they will persecute you.
~Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.
~To live is Christ, and to die is gain.
~Paul lived “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything.”
~Momentary affliction prepares us for eternal glory.
~We
are burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. But
that was to make us rely not on ourselves, but on Christ who raises the
dead.
~Whatever you did for the least of these you did for me.
~It is easier for camel to walk through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.
~The poor, humble, will have great reward in heaven. Those praised in this world will not be highly regarded in the next.
~Those exalted in this life, will be humbled in the next. Those who are humbled here on earth will be exalted in heaven.
~The lust of money and possessions is the root of a thousand evils, mostly running away from God.
~It is nearly impossible for the rich man to get to heaven.
~Of the materialistic Babylon: Give her as much torture and grief as the glory and luxury she gave herself.
The
biblical passages on suffering and sacrifice go on…and on…and on. To be
clear however, the idea is not to pointlessly throw myself into
unfortunate circumstances that lead to suffering. To flippantly invoke
suffering on myself may appear spiritual, but would actually be quite
selfish.
My suffering for Christ can only be born of my desire
to glorify God, not myself. According to the scriptures, truly following
Jesus will inevitably lead to a life of sacrifice and
suffering. In genuine instances of taking up our own crosses for our
Lord Jesus, the motivating heart is one of love for people, love for
God, and a willingness to deny ourselves in the process. Jesus said
“whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life
for me will save it.” And yet through all of this we will receive great
joy! How crazy is that?!
This leads to where we are on our
journey. In the last couple of months, God has helped me realize my own
abundance, comfort, wealth, etc. And I think he is beginning to teach me
what sacrifice means. (Not that we have yet to sacrifice in the
slightest, but we are committing to at least begin that process.) We
thank him for helping us see that by making less of us we can make more
of him. And it is nothing short of answered prayer that he is beginning
to break our hearts for the poor community. Those who are not only
spiritually poor, but who have literal daily needs of hunger, shelter,
and clothing. I am excited to be closer to them, to have daily
interaction and opportunities. While I anticipate struggles and
frustrations, I am eager to give up my extras in order to help those who
lack necessities.
When I read Jesus’ words “whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me,”
I envision myself before the throne being asked what I did for the
least of these. And lately I have been floored by the close proximity
between my neighborhood and a world of poverty that I didn’t know
existed. St. Augustine, Jax Beach, downtown Jax, the Northside. There
are literally thousands of the “least of these” all around me.
At
this season of my life, I do not hear God calling me to the mission
fields of Africa or China. Maybe someday he will do that – and it would
be an awesome opportunity. But for now he is leading us to the poorer
communities right around us.
God is not whispering to us
that its time to depart from our comfortable bubble. He is screaming it
loud. While Kerrie and I know that he led us to our current
neighborhood (and specifically to this home) he reminds us not to get
too comfortable. That all of this is temporary, there is much to be
done, and everything we “see” will be gone in the blink of an eye. We
are thankful that he continues to press us forward – towards another
step in our journey of following him. While there are times I agonize
over the idea of leaving (neighbors, home, schools, etc), I remain so
excited to follow where Jesus leads! I am honored to be stretched,
humbled to be used, and thankful that God prefers we do not stay still
for long.
Jesus - I pray that you will never stop stretching
me. Thank you for doing it again! Continue to strengthen my love for you
and for people. Widen my view of you. Help me not limit you in any way.
Help me not to doubt what you can do through me and my family. Please
break my heart for the poor. Give me a soft heart that thinks of others
ahead of myself, especially those that are difficult to love. Help me
think and live eternally. Strip me from my distractions so I can grow
closer to you. Help me to provide an uncommon example of selflessness
for my kid’s to emulate. Lord, if I want them to avoid becoming like the
Laodecian church, I must in my own life detest every single hint of it.
Help me extinguish any aspect of my life that reflects unnecessary
abundance. Give me strength to remain on fire for you. Help me sense any
sign of lukewarmness well before it gets to me. Dear Lord, help me live
my life with one goal alone: that when I finally meet you face-to-face,
I will be able to say “I gave you everything.”